Phone
beeps…
1 new message
Dear subscriber,
we noticed u r 1 of
our only 5 Airtel
subscribers in the
North &
to reward ur loyalty, ur account
has been credited
with N1000, 000
airtime!
Thanks for
choosing Airtel!
Hurriedly
dials *123# to check balance.
Service reply
Main Acc: N 0.
00 NGN. Voice Acct1: N 0. 00
On-Net SMS:
O, Voice Acct2: N 0. 00.
We hope u
would have realized at this point
that u were
only dreaming & pls recharge
to avoid
service suspension.
*insert* market women saying “Hmmm,
wonders shall never end.”
Ladies
and Gents, welcome to today’s post. Over the past few months, I noticed that I have
left quite a number of text messages unattended to. Can’t blame me...with Facebook, Twitter, BBM,
Whatsapp ati other social apps, who really does text messages these days?
Scrolling
through the length and breadth of my inbox, I can only find messages from Airtel,
MTN & bank alerts that do nothing but remind me of how broke I’m. I hear people don’t like it when they send you
messages and you don’t respond and of course, I know how it would have felt if
you didn’t take time out to read this post. [Ese Gan!]
Today
happens to be one of many days when I question my sanity:
Muddie: Which frequency we dey operate today?
Voice: “SBW”…short
brain wave and this means your brain will be quite shaky today!
This
explains why I will be replying text messages sent by telecomm service
providers today… but one thing I will not do is apologise to them for the late
response [una no go know wetin I dey go through just to talk to dem customer
care agents].
Reaches for his Nokia X2
& navigates through inbox…
Message #1
Super Eagles
of NIG vs. Stallions of
Burkina
Faso, who takes home the
cup, live match
updates @ N20
daily. Send
AFC to 244.
Received:
04:44:48pm 10-02-2013
From:
Airtel
Reply
Scam to 244.
LWKMD…Airtel o!!! To who brain is
given, sense is xpected. Una want
me to pay N20 4 update 4 d same
match wey I watch live 4 ocean
viewing center 4 makoko area & na
N50 I pay. Are u a learner?
Message #2
Breaking News!
Call 141 now for details.
It’s Free.
Received: 06:11:09pm 19-02-2013
From:
Airtel
Reply
Make una no worry, I rely on Channels TV and Linda
Ikeji 4 breaking News. Their Services are also
free and dem no dey carry last. Can I call
08023454494 for free 2? Na my gfrnd numba.
Message
#3
ENJOY THESE
CLASSIC VALENTINE TUNEZ! For
PASS ME UR
LOVE, text 011145 to 4100. For
L-O-V-E U by
Jesse Jagz, text 011761 to 4100.
Txt STOP to
33111 to Opt-Out
Received:
19:43:58pm 12-02-2013
From:
MTN NG
Reply
MTN, Apart from d fact say una wan force us 2 buy
old songs, I’m embarrassed by poor choice of luv
songs! Are u saving IFE WA GBONO by Tiwa and
YES NO by Banky for
EASTER TUNEZ? To opt out,
I’m sendin…MTN, IF NA RUFF PLAY, ABEG STOP
AM!
Message
#4
Customer
service just got easier. A quick response
to your
enquiries is just a tweet away. Go to
Received:
09:17:18
14-02-2013
From:
Etisalat
Reply
Wayo Ppl! Una neva fit ansa who dey call una for
fone, how much more for twitter. This is just a
miserable excuse to get us to follow u on twitter.
Focus on improving ur call center services jor!
People of God, that
is how I respond to annoying text messages from inefficient telecomm service
providers. The network is always good when you are loading a recharge card but
try making a call, na dat time e go be like say BH don blow -up the entire masts for Nigeria. They keep sending
messages that make no sense but Nigerians are so much smarter than service providers
think. I for one, will not fall for all these SMS scams. I use Airtel and these
guys are mean. They send messages and tell you to call 141 now. “Una no dey fit
say please?” If you don’t call back, they will ask that girl who uses auto-tune
and a phoney accent to use one ordinary
number to call you the following day…
“Good afternoon,
we sent you a text message since yesterday and you haven’t replied. So wa OK?”
[To
show it is a recorded message, it is always afternoon, even when she calls you at
night.]
Yes I’m alright and unlike every other Nigerian,
if una send me text, I go reply and I still dey wait for the day wey una go send
me text say I win free credit, black berry phone or free dinner with one of una
beautiful female customer care representatives.
