One of the absolutely terrific things about being Muddie is the ability to allow my thoughts travel far. I do not require the services of Airtel, MTN, Etisalat or any other telecomm network for my thoughts to roam…and so today, via a stack of old magazines piled somewhere in my room, I travel way back in time to bring you some of my fondest childhood memories associated with popular Nigerian print adverts.
BLUE BAND MARGARINE 1979
Blue Band now comes in plastic containers, which we throw away after use. Back then, the empty blue band tins where just as important as the margarine itself. I remember this advert so well, not because I enjoyed all the orishi - rishi displayed in the advert but cos the blue band tin a.k.a gongoni was synonymous with moin moin. Once the blue band finish, any refilling wey wan take place na with moin moin. Whenever we didn’t have enough blue band tins for moin moin, momsy made do by adding Peak milk tins to the mix and na there fight dey take start.
As the moin moin just dey touch down, the following takes place:
Me: “Is me that will take the moin moin da is inside the blue band gongoni o. Is me that scrape it.”
My elder Bro: Am I not the senior? Take the peak cup (obviously the smaller cup) jor.
Me: Is God that will judge you! No be say I first chop the blue band, you no go still allow me chop the moin moin…
Nepa takes light….
NATIONAL FANS 1979
“Hehehehehehe”, please allow me to use this paragraph to laugh but I’ll tell you why in the next. Continues laffing... “Hehehehehehehehehehehe.” Matches brake.
You see the small table fan on the right hand side?” Yes, the whispering giant (forget say na dwarf you dey see). My dad had two. Till date, these two table fans like the true Ogbanje that they are, always make it a point of duty to remind me that they older than me whenever I visit.
One specifically said to my face about 5 years ago, “that you can now afford ceiling fan does not make me lose my title as the whispering giant, na me be senior and what I can see from the table top, your ceiling fan cannot see from the ceiling top.”
NIGERIA AIRWAYS 1979
…So Super Eagles won the AFCON 2013, Yes! Nigeria is the giant of Africa, Yes! An elephant flying, No! No!! No!!! Mbanu, this is all kinds of wrong!
Growing up, I always wondered why I never got to travel by air. The only moments I could afford to, were those moments when myself and other kids playing in the street would jump and shout “See Oroplain” at the sight of any plane flying past.
I have a confession to make. As a child, I always thought that the reason that we always go to journey by road is because you are too poor and you cannot afford to buy flying ticket that time.
When I was arranging my room yesterday, I came across an old magazine where I see this foto that I have attach to the letter. And I am asking myself how elephant will be flying oroplain and it is then that I come and realise that it was the same thing that you see that make us to always follow road and travel.
It is only in Nigeria that I have see that eagles play football and then elephants fly planes. I say let me write this letter to tell you that I am sorry and that you are a good father who realized early enough that if we follow oroplain that carry elephant, we will all die in plane crash.
I love you papa!
Tales by delight
Once upon a time, long before golden morn, there was Cerelac, the best baby food in all the land. It was specially made from cereals and rich in nutrients. In the Bible, Eve tempted Adam with an apple and in Nigeria, mothers tempted growing children and house helps with Cerelac. House helps always waited for their madams to go out and then share the cerelac with baby/bomboi. For every tea spoon they fed the baby, they fed themselves about 4 spoons. The saying, “99 days for the house girl and 1 day for madam”, sums up the story of how many house girls lost their jobs after being caught thiefing Cerelac.
#ThatAkwardMoment when mama would come into the room and ask what I was doing and I’d pretend to be a sculpture piece because I had baby’s cerelac in my mouth.
COCA COLA 1988
Coca Cola is the world’s most popular drink, in fact, the only drink that has been able to put the combo of Zobo, Kunu and Agbo Jedi Jedi sellers out of business.
Tomorrow is valentine’s day and what has coke got to do with it abi? Most Nigerian girls have at least been praying and fasting for their boyfriends to either show up with keys to a car (preferably tear rubber), Mary Kay packs, Black Berries (not currants), Gold necklaces, Designer clothes and gbo – gbo expensive things!
Take a look at the two lovers in the advert, this pishure was taken on valentine’s day in 1988, long before black berry and brazillian hair came to spoil runs. Don’t they look happy? Yet, all it took for the girl to allow the guy grab her by the waist, was a bottle of coke, which only cost N1 at the time.
I’m fully aware of d fact dt if I dnt buy u a
very xpensiv gift dis val, I’ll not b getting
any ***. Salaries hv not bin paid bt I can
afford to buy us coke, which should @
least qualify me to hold u by d waist.
If u dnt agree 2 dis, I’ll hv 2 resign lyk d
Pope but if u change ur mind l8r, lyk Keshi,
I’ll reconsida my resignation!
U know I luv u but 4 2mao!
…to be continued!